Thursday, July 1, 2010

Deleting the Pigs

Recently I have been made to feel guilty for something that is not my fault. Although I am trying really hard not to let this get to me, inevitably it is. I'm not going to go into details here, but trust me on this, almost everyone wrongly blames me for the entire situation. This is largly due to the fact that they blindly believe what others have told them without bothering to ask me (or others that were there) what really happened.

I overheard a police officer on the TV last night saying 'There are two sides to every story, and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.' How very true that is. I think what is most upsetting to me is that no one is even prepared to entertain the possibility that it is the other person's fault. I admit that I 'started' it, but I did not use violence, which the other person did. To me, this is very wrong.

There is no situation where violence is acceptable. Ever. I learned this the hard way. I was a victim of domestic violence in a previous relationship. It is only after thousands of dollars worth of therapy that I can admit that without bursting into tears. It was NOT my fault he did that to me. How can people that watched me recover from that not see the huge amounts of wrong-ness in this current situation?

I'm hurt, I'm angry and I'm really disappointed. Although having said that, there is a part of me that is not surprised. I've been blamed for things almost my whole life, why should that pattern change now?

So, I'm taking control. They can blame me all they like, and while it is not a pleasant situation to be in, it's the one I'm stuck in. I've tried and I can't make them see my point of view. I admit defeat. I'm giving up. They can think and say and do what they like. I know the truth. Those that matter to me know the truth. The rest of them can fuck off and find someone else to blame. As of this moment, these people have ceased to exist in my world. They will never see my beautiful new house, for I will not invite them in. They shall not have anything to do with any children I may have, for I do not trust someone with such violent tendancies. I have a feeling this is not going to go down well, but I've spent a long time trying to please other people, and that hasn't worked, so I'm going to do what is right for me from now on.

What have I got to lose?

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