I always thought that if something went wrong, there had to be someone at fault. My shrink is trying to introduce me to the concept of no blame. Apparently, things can be no-one's fault. Did you know this? I most certainly did not.
He says that if I understand the 'no blame' thing, then I will find coping with my PTSD easier and be able to move forward.
I'm trying, I really am. But it is really hard when other people are blaming me for things that are not my fault.
Why should I try so hard to understand it if they don't?
Why should I put all my energy into blaming no one when they are putting lots of energy into blaming me?
Why should I blame no one when I haven't even had an apology?
Why should I bother when my feelings are so easily dismissed?
It's too hard to think about.
It all hurts too much.
Much easier to blame myself,.
After all, I've been blamed for everything all my life.
Julia Roberts explained it in Pretty Woman, 'The bad stuff is easier to believe'.
If only that wasn't true.
If only I could believe this picture:
But I don't.
Blame. I has it.
(I am OK, really I am. But this post has been floating around in my head for a while and today it decided to come out.)
You don't want to spend all your emotional energy on getting other people to accept your point of view. Be satisfied that your version of events is enough for YOU, hopefully then it won't matter whether other people accept their share of the blame. Often people have their own versions of how things have played out, and trust me when I say, no amount of arguing is going to bring them around.
ReplyDeleteAnd remember, when they accept no blame, they forfeit credit as well. Which means that YOU are responsible for the incredibley kind, sweet, fun, loving person you turned out to be in spite of a lot of arseholes trying to turn you into something else.
And, not too be harsh, but even if they came round and you got that apology, it wouldn't reverse all you have borne.
Even if we behave badly and deserve to be blamed, dwelling on it doesn't help anyone - including you. Try to accept that shit has happened, make a decision that your personality and your emotional self are not on the table. Take them out of the game, heal, smile and try again.
Love you.
This is the bane of my existence and I'm trying to stop thinking that way too.
ReplyDeleteStuff has happened but mostly it's been OPP (other people's problems).
I blame myself for everything. What if I'd...if only I'd...why do I always...
Only feel responsible for your own actions - not other people's words, feelings, reactions and situations.
Visiting from FYBF today . . .
ReplyDeleteI agree with Alex, only worry about your own actions. You don't need to accept blame from others. It is their problem, not yours. Remember some things are in our control, some in other people's control, and some no one has any control over at all. Just deal with what you can control and change and don't stress about the rest.